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Local Ska Enthusiast Should Probably Sit This Out

Quarantine trends have been keeping a lot of people going through this unprecedented global crisis: dudes named Kyle doing pushups, to awful quarantine haircuts, and now friends sharing their favorite albums. However, these challenges aren’t for everyone, and one local man, Bradley, is experiencing that firsthand. “Yeah so I pretty much exclusively listen to Reel Big Fish and Sublime, and I really feel like this challenge is marginalizing me as a ska fan.”

Bradley, who sports a goatee and pinstriped fedora almost every day, says it was already hard enough to gain respect from his peers before quarantine, but with this challenge, life is nearly unbearable. 

“I mean all you squares just don’t get it! Ska is such a misunderstood lifestyle, and I know that no one is gonna get my top five albums. People don’t understand that big bands of white dudes with checkered suits are wicked cool!”

The occasional problematic songs and bands aren’t helping Bradley’s ska lifestyle be any better understood either. Songs like “Date Rape” by Sublime and the existence of a band called “The Cherry Poppin’ Daddies” make it very hard for normal folks to understand what Bradley insists is deep and impactful music. “I mean, every scene has it’s problems: black metal has satanists, punk has some nazis. Ska just happens to maybe kinda-sorta have a sexism problem, but as a man, I can promise all the ladies out there that that’s not me.

“Ska saved my life,” Bradley emotionally recalls. “Before I found the scene, I was just a weirdo who couldn’t talk to women who liked plaid too much. I still can’t talk to women, but now at least I have a subculture where it’s okay to wear a fedora, and that’s really all I can ask for.”


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