So you’re in the market for an electric bike or e-scooter, but don’t want to deal with the exorbitant high prices that those so-called “legitimate” retailers are offering you? Maybe you’ve looked at Facebook Marketplace and well, you just can’t find one you like? You never know what those sellers are thinking, or whether you’re getting the most bang for your buck. We here at the Madison Misnomer understand that, and we want to offer you low prices from a seller you can trust. For a limited time, the Madison Misnomer is offering a selection of electric bikes and e-scooters, for sale, no questions asked!
Now, you may be wondering, how did the Misnomer come across a selection of so many electric bikes and scooters? Don’t worry about it. The second-hand market is booming, and we here at the Misnomer wanted to take advantage of all opportunities afforded to us to make a little extra cash to keep us afloat. We make sure to only acquire the best electric bikes, because we care about our readers deeply, and we want to give back to the community that has given so much to us. Our electric bikes and scooters are priced so well, you’d think we stole them! For an extra fee, we’ll even clean it up and give it a new paint job, just so it won’t be so identifiable to previous owners!
Some of our merchandise may not come with the proper cables or wires to be able to charge them with, but that’s all part of the allure. We here at the Misnomer want to make it a fun little challenge, almost like a scavenger hunt, but for essential components. Maybe you’ll find someone sketchily selling ten dollar universal chargers online, or you have a friend who’s electric bike went missing recently who’s charger just so happens to fit yours! Talk about a coincidence. Either way, that’s the thrill of the second-hand market. And don’t worry about looking for a serial number, those pesky engravings tend to disappear somewhere between their previous owner and new opportunities! Some may call it tampering, we call it our personal touch.
Now, we know what you must be thinking dear reader, you’re worried about the ethical implications of buying an electric scooter from a less than legitimate source. And we get it. If we were buying an e-scooter from a guy whose profile picture is him holding a fish and whose listing says, “No questions asked. Business major.”, you’d probably know what’s going on. But have we at the Misnomer ever led you astray, or lied to you? We only want what is best for you, and in the spirit of that, we want to offer you the best possible deals. You may even be considering, why buy from us? Well, first, we don’t worry about any annoying paperwork or proof of ownership. You want the bike, and you have money? You got it. Secondly, we offer curbside pickup to anywhere in Madison, just text us the address of any dimly lit alleyway and we’ll be there! And finally, for an extra fee, we’ll provide a charger that may or may not fit. It’s all part of the surprise!
Now, imagine, you’ve acquired your brand new electric bike from the Misnomer, but how do you blend in with all the e-bike and e-scooter owners around the city? We here at the Misnomer value you, and want to make sure your transition process is as smooth as possible. Make sure to act with confidence when you ride it. Act like you’ve had it for years, throw it to the ground, leave it in public places. Make sure everyone thinks you don’t care what happens to it. And if anyone asks about the scratched off serial number or the missing branding, just mumble something about custom modifications before riding off in a hurry. And make sure to buy the flimsiest lock you can for it, nothing screams rightful owner like barely securing your e-bike to a rack. And finally, if a previous owner confronts you? Be outraged! Aren’t you insulted by this person claiming you stole their bike? You bought this bike fair and square from a trusted seller, so they must be mistaken. After all, in the world of electric scooters and bikes, possession is ten-tenths of the law.
But hurry - these deals won’t last long! Like all great things, these incredible deals are fleeting, you could leave it outside and it could disappear just the next second, so make sure to act fast! Don’t worry if you miss out though, we deeply care about our valued customers and will work tirelessly (or until we find another unguarded bike rack) to bring you as many deals as possible. At the end of the day, it’s not about the business, it’s about the recycling that we’re doing within our community to help Madison to become a cleaner and safer place to live.
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