Misnomer Homeless After Usual Room Contaminated By Chalk

MADISON, WI - Here at the Misnomer, we have some urgent, and quite frankly embarrassing news: we need a new home. Our usual meeting place, a secret location deep inside the darkest depths of campus, has fallen victim to a chemical warfare attack. The room has been contaminated by millions of harmful chalk spores, rendering it unusable for humans amid fears of lung disease. And so, in one of our darker hours, we turn to you, friends and supporters across campus, for help in locating what could be our new forever home.

You may ask yourself, “How could this happen to such an illustrious organization? How could a club with so much power and secrecy have its hideout tarnished in such a way?” Well, dear readers, we are ashamed to say we do not know. As proud recipients of the American Society of Cave Dwellers’ 3rd Best College Satire Newspaper Underground Base (there were only three spots on the list), we took the security and maintenance of our former home quite seriously. It appears as though foreign agents infiltrated and attacked our headquarters in an effort to intimidate and silence us. Despite local police and investigators rebuffing us and claiming it was “an accident” and “our fault”, we have put our detective caps on in an effort to solve this mystery. So far, our primary three suspects are another inferior, unnamed satire newspaper on campus, The Onion (out of jealousy and spite for abandoning Madison), and the Polish government. If you know anything about these entities, please contact us.

In our search for a new home, we have identified several potential locations on campus to serve as future locations for our meetings. These are still very much preliminary options, so any feedback is much appreciated. The roof of Van Hise Hall provides a nice view of campus and Lake Mendota, but we have been getting some funny emails about “trespassing”, and even the slightest gust of wind causes us to fear for our lives. The steam tunnels underneath campus are secret enough to carry out our business, but Tunnel Bob creeps us out sometimes, and there are some suspicious asbestos-looking fibers. Finally, the bathrooms at the new Computer Science building are seldom used enough that we could conceivably hold meetings, but the building’s overall stench lingers.

While we would prefer a location on campus, we are not entirely opposed to renting some space off-campus. Unfortunately, most landlords in the area laughed at us upon hearing our monthly budget of $17 and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. We even tried our hand at obtaining some space in Lucky Apartments via adverse possession, but were promptly ejected from the building. At this point, we are quite desperate. If you are rich and have the generosity to spare some coin for a broke yet talented campus organization, please don’t hesitate to reach out.