top of page

Obama Discovered to Have Won Wisconsin Primary

MADISON, Wisconsin -  In a shocking turn of events, former president Barack Obama has won the Democratic primary for the state of Wisconsin after thousands of mail-in votes were discovered with Obama’s name as a write-in across the state. Now 83 delegates will be sent on behalf of former president Obama to the Democratic convention to take place in Chicago, IL this August.

According to our sources, in order to collect enough votes to be the state's pick for the presidential election, Obama secretly snuck into houses of undecided Wisconsin voters and whispered subliminals into their ears in order to secure their vote.

“I always said that if I could vote for Obama a 3rd time I would, and one morning I woke up with my window broken and blood on the wall telling me to vote for Obama, and I decided well why not!” said 34-year-old John Cooley as he vacuumed glass from his carpet. 

Across the state many other voters recounted similar stories, with each choosing Obama as their write-in candidate right before sending in their absentee ballot. There have even been reports of this phenomenon even occurring across party lines. 

“I’ve never even voted Democrat before, but after weeks of sleep deprivation due to hearing Obama's voice in my ear every time I close my eyes, I thought it was finally time to vote blue,” said another voter, who wished to remain anonymous.

Many voters are now dedicated to getting Obama reelected as president despite the fact that he has already served his two terms in office. 

“After my 6th and final child went missing with only a note made out of human skin left behind telling me to vote for Obama to get my children back, I realized I really had no other choice, he’s simply the best candidate. I knew that I would do whatever I could to get him back in the white house,” said Wisconsin mother Jane Dee as she waited at the meeting spot in the woods where she would receive her favorite child back and her next order from the Obama re-election team.

Obama has announced that his work is far from finished.


bottom of page