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Obama Forced to Pretend to be Biden's Friend Again

Joe Biden's stance in the election has been met with mixed reactions: euphoric joy by those afraid of change and endless complaining by those desperate for a politician who listens to them. When asked about his response to Biden’s nomination, former President Barack Obama admitted to being dismayed at having to be Biden's friend again.

During the 2008 race, Mr. Obama’s public relations team had said pretending to enjoy Biden's presence would create a dynamic that would help them in the polls. Unfortunately for Mr. Obama, his team was correct, and he was stuck with that un-lotioned sack of mayonnaise for 8 years. The former president claims his favorite part about retirement was not having to touch Biden's old wrinkly skin ever again. 

Sadly, Biden’s position as Trump's opponent means Democrats need that boost in the polls once again, with the focus on getting young people to forget about his political policies and vote for him. In payment for helping Biden get elected, Mr. Biden has agreed to delete Barack’s phone number and stop sending him shirtless photos captioned “ready for some hungry jacks ;)” every morning.  

“The worst part about being Joe’s friend,” says Mr. Obama, “Is that he never shuts up about oatmeal. Do you know how long that old white fuck can talk about goddamn oats? 3 hours. 3 fucking hours. I’ve timed him! If I’m gonna put up with this again, you all better vote blue or else.”


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