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Op-Ed: So, Like, Donuts?



I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about them. Donuts. Like what’s the deal with them? I honestly was up for 17 hours just thinking about if they would taste as good without that fucking hole.


Seriously, what if the hole is the only reason they taste good? What if they are just bread, but the hole gives us the illusion that they taste like a sweet treat? I read something about how we can make up things to replace whatever we see is missing; maybe that’s what is happening with the magic fucking hole!!!! Yeah, the article was actually about when we feel like our phone buzzes but it's actually us being, like, itchy BUT maybe it can relate to donuts.


Also, what is the deal with the name? Donuts. Do-nut? Do nut? Is it a command to nut? An invitation? Are donuts actually a weird sex toy and we are all fucking obese and made them into food and can’t go back? Because there are only like ⅝ of donuts that even use nuts so like why is nut such a crucial part in the name. I’m mad now.


Either get that nut part out of the name or explain what the fuck it means. Okay Mr. Donut, if you’re even listening fucking one percent. Also, explain the goddamn hole. It seems like it has no purpose but maybe that is the whole purpose? Alright please email me if I cracked the code or if you can fucking explain because my head hurts.

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