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Op-Ed: Weird Sound Maybe Wet?

Alright, I was just chilling in my dorm room, minding my own damn, dry business. I’m not trying to rat anyone out, but I definitely heard an ungodly sound from next door that I just cannot stop thinking about that I can only describe as perhaps wet.

Since it was like 2 AM, I wasn’t super aware of what was going on, but I’ve had all damn day to analyze the shit out of this odd-ass event. I wouldn’t quite give the noise the intensity of a smack, but it would definitely be classified under some sort of slapping.

Whatever the noise was, I just feel like some type of liquid was maybe involved. My ears couldn’t quite pick up on what liquid it was, but I would probably say it was on the watery side of the spectrum. If I had to take a stab in the dark, my money is on a 2% milk-drenched ass slap.

There were no follow-up sounds, so I frankly have no way of knowing if the sound was damp. All I’m saying is that I had to identify only one sound in my life as possibly wet, it would be this one.


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