As the Halloween season draws to a close, local puffin Puffdaddy Atlantic let the weight fall off his wings and let out a deep sigh of relief, grateful to have gone another October 31st without having his kind be made into a sexy costume trend.
Every year people head to their local thrift stores, Ragstocks, and Targets to piece together their costumes. National trends from TV shows and movies arise, and often less modest versions of these trends come to the surface on college campuses, high schools, and groups of moms that insist on saying ‘hola’ to the waitstaff on Margarita Wednesdays.
After opening Buzzfeed’s annual list of trendy costumes, Atlantic was pleased to see puffins didn’t make the cut. Though he said he wasn’t surprised to see the “Provocative Penguin” placed #6 on the list, right between the “Seductive Watermelon” and “Race-y Mario”
“The penguins are always on there,” Atlantic said. “But they’re sluts year round so it makes sense.”
With puffins recently being placed and the endangered species list, Atlantic believes he will be safe for the next couple Halloweens. But he worries that as soon as the UK starts a conservation program, the celebrity status will start a wave of popularity.
“I can see it already,” Atlantic said. “Black tutus, white bandeaus, and big slutty orange beaks. The whole nine yards!”
When asked if he would be open to the idea of having a children’s costume, said he’d like to “let kids be kids” but made it clear that he didn’t want to see any “slut-ffin costumes”.
“I draw the line at the age of 7,” Atlantic said. “After that, it starts to get dicey.”