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Quarantine Beards: Not Just for Men

For better or for worse, quarantine has come with a boom in experimental hair growth. Some people have decided it’s the perfect time to grow out the “Ellen cut” while others have deemed it time to chop off their long locks. Freshman boys everywhere are giving their pathetic, wispy mustaches time to grow to their full potential. The most groundbreaking of hair trends, however, is the girl beard.

UW-Madison senior, Natalie Jenkins, has come forward as an activist in the female facial hair movement. She reported that once everything went online, she no longer felt the need to pluck any of the hair she’d kept groomed in normal life.

“Honestly, I know women have chin hairs, and we all see the mustaches, even if we don’t say anything,” said Jenkins. “For me, it all started when I felt a hair coming in on my chin that I usually pluck. I let it grow out one day, and then it really became a force to be reckoned with. It’s like a beard hair beard hair. I love it.”

Jenkins has tried to rally women around her the girl beard, but many are too bogged down by societal norms to join the movement. Jenkins, however, has thought of a way around the traditional expectations.

“Think about it, ladies! All interactions these days are either masked-up or online! A mask will keep that sweet thang hidden, and you can do all of your Zoom meetings with dim lighting! No one will know, and it can stay your sexy secret.”

Jenkins’ roommates declined to speak about their friend’s new appearance, but her parents did release a statement saying, “We love our daughter, and we hope this phase ends quickly.” Her father tacked on, “She gets it from her mother.”


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