Cute, quirky, and unnaturally perky, twinks are the treat on everybody's mind these days. But, like all things, it's important to make sure you are getting your fun from a sustainable source, and the drive to twinkiness can take many to dark places. This is a fool proof questionnaire to determine if your man is embracing his twinky side, or needs some serious TLC.
What's his sense of style like?
a) He’s gotten really into looking like Ashton Kutcher from 1999-2003: (+1)
b) He wears nothing but skin tight spandex and a fishnet face mask: (+0)
How’s his shaving routine?
a) He likes to keep clean shaven: (+1)
b) He bathes in Nair: (+0)
How’s his laugh?
a) A light chuckle, like the pitter-patter of rain on metal: (+1)
b) A forced screech, higher than anyone’s comfortable with: (+0)
c) A low chortle, empty of the joy that once filled his eyes: (-1)
What’s his attitude like?
a) Pleasantly happy, if a little annoyingly optimistic: (+1)
b) Aggressively happy, like mommy after her “special sugar”: (+0)
Most importantly, is your man fulfilled?
a) He still has his dreams and aspirations: (+1)
b) He has resigned himself to being a cog in an uncaring world: (+0)
If your man scored >3:
That's a twink being properly cared for. Gimme his number.
If your man scored <3:
A twink sending out a cry for help. Take him on a mental health trip, like getting a coffee on the terrace or pissing on J.K. Rowling’s front lawn.
If your man scored <0:
Holy fuck stop looking at internet quizzes and be a supportive partner for once.