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Report: Study Day Just School Sanctioned Masturbation Day

As finals week gets closer, reports have piled up of UW students retaining a lot of pent-up sexual frustration. Badgers of all majors have been cramming for their toughest exams nonstop, and this has left no time for good ol’ fashioned self love sessions.

With UHS reporting record-low orgasms in the month of May, the heroes of our generation, Sex Out Loud, took to the streets to protest the lack of meat beating and bean flicking.

ASM’s response is today, Saturday May 4th, otherwise known as University-recognized “Slip That Underwear Down Y’all” Day. Yeah, that’s right. S-T-U-D-Y Day.

If you wanna pass those exams, you’re going to have to rise up (ha) to the challenge. Get out to that big lecture hall in Brogden. Put up the lil desk. And touch yourself underneath it until you feel some sweet, sweet post cum clarity. Then go nail that final (ha).


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