top of page

Rush Limbaugh Unable to Pull Himself Out of Grave by His Bootstraps

Conservatives across the United States are in mourning after the death of 70-year-old coservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh made a name for himself through hatred of seemingly every human being from women, to nonwhite people, to LGBTA+ people. Although making the choice to permanently stop breathing is widely believed to be his best decision, it marks a stark departure from his deeply held conservative ideals.

Throughout his radio career, he made constant reference to individual responsibility and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, and his inability to continue breathing shows that he couldn’t live up to his own standards. A real American wouldn’t let something as minor as “terminal lung cancer” get in the way of licking corporate boots. If Limbaugh was a real patriot, he would’ve been able to use his constitutional liberties to stop his lungs from becoming riddled with tumors.

Not only has Limbaugh shown he’s unable to lift himself out of bad times, his bloated corpse is now serving as a free handout for the numerous worms and bacteria in the soil of his grave. For a person who railed against the welfare state, it’s quite hypocritical of him to create his own welfare state for these decomposers. Once again, Limbaugh proves himself to be a total hypocrite. For someone who hates environmentalists and “tree-hugging whackos,” he sure is keen to let his decomposing remains become tree food.

While people like Ben Shapiro and Tucker Carlson lament Limbaugh’s passing and will surely be as loud and mind-shatteringly frustrating as possible, the rest of the world will move on and forget about this human-shaped sack of bile. If life gets you down, stop and take a deep breath, because Rush Limbaugh certainly cannot.


bottom of page