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Supreme Court Celebrates Mother's Day Early This Year

If the esteemed Supreme Court justices have proven anything this week, it’s that they’re festive! Politico released a report detailing the leaked majority opinion draft that would signify the overturning of Roe v. Wade, and millions of Americans are filled with passionate reactions of warmth and respect; SCOTUS has decided to celebrate Mother’s Day a week early this year!

By overturning the landmark case protecting the right to abortion, our nation’s most lauded court has provided citizens with even more mothers to cherish this upcoming Sunday and every following Mother’s Day. Sure, some of the new moms don’t really want to be moms and don’t have the means to do so, but to hell with that—SCOTUS respects women so much that it needed to codify into law another reason to celebrate more of them!

Some have speculated that the hush-hush nature of the leak indicates that the court was planning on having a more intimate celebration than the current national frenzy. It’s honestly rather wholesome that they had intended to celebrate this unprecedented shift for women with just the nine of them. After all, there’s nothing more American than you and your closest buddies knocking back a beer and discussing women’s bodies!

Americans were expecting more standard Mother’s Day gifts like wilted flowers from the grocery store or a linen-scented candle purchased using one-day shipping, so the Supreme Court has really shattered our expectations—and existing life plans—with this surprise! Surely we can, in part, thank the male majority for the kind and thoughtful gift; men in power have historically been quite adept at knowing what women want and deserve!


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