COVID vaccine side effects have become a right of passage, and although you might feel sick for a day or two, not dying of the plague would be far worse. However, for one massive bird, the inoculation did more than just give him the sniffles, it woke him up.
“At first, the COVID vaccine just made my wing a little sore, but after a few hours I came to the incontrovertible conclusion that the concentration of wealth by the billionaire class needs to be violently confronted,” Big Bird said.
The politics of Sesame Street have always been a little left-leaning (with the exception of Oscar the Grouch, a committed anti-work illegalist anarchist), but after two doses of Moderna, Big Bird has taken it much farther.
“Ever since he got his shot, Elmo has noticed big bird being really, really based,” Elmo, a Sesame Street resident, said. In the days after his shot, Big Bird began the process of occupying an abandoned lot for use as a mutual aid garden and destroyed at least 15 security cameras on Sesame Street.
Although none of the COVID vaccines list “rapidly changing political outlook“ as a potential side effect, Big Bird says that the experience was life changing.
“I realized I was going through life being force-fed neoliberal propaganda, but that injection has helped me realize that both parties serve as arms of capital and are not a viable path towards liberation,” Big Bird said.
As a result, Big Bird has started organizing with other Sesame Street residents to use direct action tactics to achieve their liberation.
“As long as there are cops still breathing and prison walls still standing, the working class of Sesame Street will truly never be free,” Big Bird said.
After organizing into small, dispersed affinity groups, Big Bird says he’s confident that an armed overthrow of the state is simply inevitable.
“Bert and Ernie have access to a surprising amount of Kalashnikovs, and with Grover’s knowledge of explosives and the postal system, we will liberate our comrades,” Big Bird said.
With a reliable source of food through their permaculture garden and democratic confederalist workers’ councils, Big Bird is also confident that community power can fill the gap left by the state after the revolution.
With one little shot, Big Bird has become a liberator of his people. When asked for a final comment, he had only one message:
“Workers of the World unite! If we work together, it will not be long before the capitalists must face the wall!”