The Dark Truth About the 2024 Olympic Mascots

With the start of the 2024 summer Olympics new information regarding the truth about the mascots – the Phryges – has emerged. 

The Phryges are based off of the Phrygian cap which, according to eyewitness to the event and historian Mac Hineapet, “is a red cap that was worn by freed slaves in the region of ancient Greece known as Gunther, and definitely not Phrygia. It has no relation to French history and was certainly not worn during the French Revolution to symbolize freedom.”

Hineapet continued to state that, “that stupid cap should never have been chosen as the mascot,” and “whoever designed these abominations should die.” Lucky for Hineapet, the ancient Greeks are all presumed dead. 

However, with recent developments, even the origins of the Phrygian cap has come into question, for just as the Olympic flame was lit, something else came to light — the true unadulterated horror of the Phryges.

After the lighting of the Olympic flame ceremony the Phryges sprouted wings and ascended into the heavens. The now apparently eyeless eyewitness Hineapet shared his experience with the Phryges, “They just started multiplying! And then they attacked. One of ‘em came at me and ate my eyeballs!” The misnomer was unable to confirm whether or not Hineapet was eyeless because he refused to take off his blindfold. 

Hineapet also elaborated that the Phygres started to feast on the innocent people watching and the water of the Seine River turned red from the countless corpses left to rot. Worst of all, they started to speak French – a sin so heinous it’s punishable by up to 15 years in prison per word spoken. According to an anonymous francophone the Phygres were shouting “it’s all in your head” and “wake up this is just a dream”. It is likely that this was just a ploy to lure in more victims and this event wasn’t just a hallucination fueled by copious amounts of psychedelics, that Hineapet is not insane, and all of this was definitely a real occurrence even if no one else witnessed it.

Notably there is no video footage showcasing the event despite the heavy coverage of the Olympics. Hineapet claims that this is a coverup by big pharma to make him look bad. 

When asked why this would be a cover up by big pharma and not the Olympics Hineapet said, “well, the Phyrges work for the Olympics and the Olympics work for big pharma, you know steroids and shit.” 

Many conspiracy theorists have speculated on why the Phryges have started their rampage, some say it is to cleanse the world of sin, others say it’s because they’re evil, or that this was simply a marketing strategy gone wrong. However, most people believe that this incident wasn’t real.