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The Department of Limnology: What It Is and How to Avoid It

Limnology, what is it? We don’t fucking know. We aren’t some sort of dictionary here at Madison Misnomer okay? Use Google like everyone else, jeez.

However, despite not having any idea what the department is, we instinctively know we must avoid it. In order to stay far, far away from the Department of Limnology and anyone associated, you should take these following steps:

1. Avoid wet dorks in lab coats.

2. Avoid dry dorks in lab coats that smell of fish.

3. Avoid all sources of fresh water including lakes, ponds, rivers, streams and puddles forming around storm drains.

4. Especially avoid these bodies of water when dorks in lab coats stand around them, wet, smelling of fish, or otherwise.


6. If someone close to you starts taking an interest in fish, or any other stupid aquatic life, cut all ties with them immediately.

7. Take immediate steps to move closer to the ocean, Limnologists have been known to be afraid of salt water, although always remain on guard.

8. Avoid all public fish fries. If you must fry fish, do it privately and with discretion.

9. Disconnect all running water from your place of residence

10. If anyone at all knocks on your door:

1 knock: fire a warning shotgun blast through the door

2 knocks: two warning blasts

3 knocks: Ask if they can tune a piano. If they say that they can tune a fish, kill.

If any of these measures seem too extreme, remember who is allowing this horrid “science” to remain in existence. Make sure to call your local representatives to let them know that you are resolutely against the teaching, theory, and practice of Limnology in all forms (whatever the hell it actually is.) Finally, make sure to vote on November 8th.

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