March is Women’s History Month, meaning it is the perfect time to study those elusive and mysterious creatures, Women. Myself and the men at the Misnomer have done some field research and have delved into the academics and wise words of the most learned men to try and understand the Woman. This research has worked well for me, as I have managed to have conversations with several women, although I made sure not to listen too closely as to avoid tainting my research. I have yet to feel their touch to confirm whether or not they have a physical form, but with these facts maybe we will be able to understand what makes them tick. So here are the top 5 women facts.
#5 Women be Shopping
In my field research I have seen one through line on women behavior, and it is that they be shopping. It seems to be the only thing they do on a regular basis. They be shopping for that wonder bread. They drive to their local shopping centers in their Honda Civics. The most common gathering places for hordes of shopping women are the mall, the Kohl's in the mall, the Bath and Body Works in the mall, and the H&M across the street from the mall. Importantly, there is one place that you will not see a woman shopping at, GameStop. It is well known that women do not play video games, meaning they have no need to engage in refined gamer culture found at GameStop.
#4 Women don’t know what they want
Since the wise words of Chaucer it has been well known that women have no clue what they want. That's why they need men to tell them what to do. You can see women spending hours trying to decide what they are going to wear. This is why they cannot do business, since they spend too much time getting ready and deciding what to have for lunch instead of crunching numbers and making money. This is also why women make less money than men.
#3 Women hate women
It's well known that whenever two women are up for the same position they instantly become mortal enemies. This happens because women have a deep seeded hatred of women. You can see this reported in scholarly sources such as the Cosmopolitan.
#2 Women love to have things explained to them
As has already been stated, women don’t know what they want. This causes them to love when men explain things to them, especially when they are in the middle of doing things. As a man it's important to explain things to women as much as possible since they don’t have the ability to use rational thought. Women have decided to call things being explained to them as “mansplaining”, adding the word man to the word explaining to give it a positive connotation.
#1 All women are born on international women's day
March 8th is international women’s day, and while many may not know this, it is called that because that's the day that all women are born on. That is also why March is Women’s history month, since all events regarding women happen exclusively in March.