Since the tragic passing of “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek on Monday, president Donald Trump has been rushing to appoint a replacement.
Trump’s move to appoint a host this late in an election year comes to the dismay of many Democrats, who insist that the presidential decision be postponed until president-elect Joe Biden is in office in January of 2021. But the sitting president believes he can complete the process before he leaves his position.
“The current president has the full authority to appoint a new host of the hit television game show ‘Jeopardy!’” claimed White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany. “It’s written right there in our constitution, just the way our Founding Fathers intended.”
Trump has a few people in mind who he believes could be a fitting replacement for the legendary long-time host. According to sources close to the president, those being considered include soon-to-be-former Vice President Mike Pence (known for his made-for-TV bubbly personality), InfoWars host Alex Jones (a spirited, fleshy ogre with dangerously high blood pressure), and 63 cans of Goya beans stacked to appear vaguely human, “just to get someone or something up there that’s not part of the radical left.”
Of course, before Trump’s “Jeopardy!” nominee is officially sworn in, the appointment must be confirmed by a majority of the 26 “Deal or No Deal” briefcase models and their speaker, Howie Mandel. It is not clear whether Mandel will lead the models to vote in the president’s favor, but experts say his soul patch is an indication of conservative political alignment that may influence the decision.