UW-Madison Takes Away Funding From All Campus Clubs, Pledges to Israel

Madison, WI - In what is seen as a completely expected and spineless move by many members of the faculty and student body, effective immediately, grants for all campus organizations will be revoked as the university seeks to redirect even more funds towards Israel, which in turn will be used to buy brand new weapons to be tested exclusively on Palestinian children. This effort comes into effect after a ceasefire accord has been reached between the two nations, but Israel continues to receive more funding from many colleges and universities across the country with the express purpose of resuming the genocide, and to further raze Gaza to the ground.  

In Mnookin’s latest dumpster fire of an attempt at transparency, she attempted to clarify her decision in an email, opening with “Certainly! Here’s a comprehensive statement designed to proactively frame the necessary shutdown of all campus organizations…” Her email then, unfortunately, continues, stating that all campus organizations were too “pro-first amendment", “anti-genocidal”, and that “they provide too much voice to students of color and disenfranchised students.” She further went on to say that the only campus orgs that will continue to be funded are the Wisconsin Young Republicans and the Madison Federalist, which will be instated as the official student newspaper of UW-Madison. When we reached out to Mnookin for comment, we received an email detailing many of the Misnomer staff’s home addresses as well as pictures of our families with their eyes cut out, with several detailed paragraphs about how anti-semitic the Misnomer and its writers are, and how we should instead focus on “supporting America’s leaders allies.”

Now, you may be wondering how this will affect our campus and all of our student organizations, of which we have over a thousand of. Well, all of them will no longer be receiving any funding, in any manner, of any kind or type from the university anymore. Further, every club will be subject to a thorough external review by WIPAC (the Wisconsin Israel Public Affairs Committee), and if deemed to be “anti-semitic” in any way, will have its leaders abducted and indoctrinated and its core values modified until it can be found to be in line with what is deemed to be in line with the regime. But hey, at least we’re still a democracy, right? 

In the face of this new policy, several new policies have also been added to the school’s website, which now features an image of Prime Minister Netanyahu as part of its logo and banner. These new policies include restricting protests that are within one mile of university buildings, the encouragement of the use of lethal force and detainment by ICE and local police on protestors, as well as a ban on any propaganda that can even be misconstrued as against the prosperous state of Israel. Further, any conversations in any private or public spaces anywhere in the city of Madison that are found to be critical of Israel will result in the perpetrators being sentenced to death by firing squad, with or without a warrant. But it’s not all bad dear readers, because we here at the Mis- Wait, who are you? What’s going on? Can I see your warr-