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White Vans Find Sweet Embrace of Brown Slush Puddle



The UW-Madison student body has been shaken ever since a bold act of resignation was seen by many students walking to class. Horrified gasps turned to admiration as pedestrians watched as white vans-wearing Jared Humphries made the decision to step in a brown puddle on Park St.


Reported as having a look of pure surrender, Humphries clearly ignored all alternative paths; walking a few yards out of the way seemed out of the question. The murky puddle from hell had to be endured. Humphries’ friend, Mike, expressed concerns about Humphries’ mental state regarding the incident.


“Come on, those shoes cost what? Sixty bucks? All for saving maybe five or six seconds? Stuff like that really makes you wonder how a bro is doing. Maybe I should buy him a Tide-to-go. Is that like, cool?” said Mike.


After sitting through a chemistry power lecture with sopping wet feet, Humphries remained unaffected. Frightened freshman even said that they saw him standing in a puddle later that day for a few minutes with a look of pure bliss on his face.


“I mean, it feels great to finally let go of the last thing I loved in this world: the purity of my white shoes,” said Jared Humphries.

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